Things I changed
1. How the MC meets her love interest. When I read it I felt that the meeting was too forced and that the love interest’s character didn’t his first scene.
2. Added witty dialogue. It needed it. Badly
3. Dream sequence reboot. It was way too cheesy. Seriously it had to go.
4. Entire subplot change. It involved me raising the dead, ‘nuff said.
5. Toughened it up. It was too nice. It needed a real life reality check.
So in the end, even though I thought I wasn’t one of those newbie writers who make stupid mistakes, I made the biggest newbie mistake of them all. I queried before I was really ready.